“I’m sick of your sister—and her attitude. What’s wrong with her anyway?”
“You should try to build a friendship with her..”
I replied angrily, “That’s easy for you to say! “Guys look at relationships differently.” I was realizing that during our wedding ceremony rehersal, when I’d vowed to stick with my husband-to-be “for better or for worse,” the latter part included his obnoxious sister.
Sound familiar? Both you and the Posh- Beckhams have something in common. Finding excuses to avoid them. Victoria fails to turn up for her sister-in-law Lynne’s wedding, saying she’s ‘busy’ recording. You may not be recording, like Victoria but “busy” has always been the response to avoid them.
Your sister-in-law might remind you of Courtney Love. For this Attention Tart (a.k.a your sister-in-law) there’s no such thing as bad attention. They’ll do anything and know no boundaries. A mild case might be making a habit of dressing inappropriately, no matter the place. This type is the product of rejection, ironically, and when their history of rejection is combined with a strong will and fierce independance, these terminally insecure insecure sister-in-law confront their insecurities by making it impossible to ignore them. It’s like driving by a car wreck; you can’t help but look.
But it’s now time to make changes of this dynamic. Time to swallow back any angry response and start to SOCIAL DETOX. Even though it’s hard. Very hard. No matter if her only aim is to steal our limelight. She’s the one that talks about herself for hours, never asks how you’re doing (unless she needs something) and creates a new silly drama everyday. She’s a drain and a drag, but you can’t imagine how to change the dynamic. The SOCIAL DETOX will show you how. Here’s three easy steps to purge out the dramas and create a healthy one:
1. Find a neutral territory - Listen carefully to her interests. Gulp. I know this will be challenging and somewhat annyoing. But, weed out what’s imporant. Know her smallest interests, and commit to activity every two weeks, so that she’s less tense and more willing to communicate without her bi-polar behaviours. You might even be surprised of how similar you both are. Achieve small victories, will start the right path to a better relationship.
2. Set boundaries - Don’t be afraid to remind your sister-in-law of the set boundaries if she falls back into her habits. Just remember to be non-confrontational, and smile. The more welcoming you are, the less she will be on her guarded moments.
3. Readjust the scale - If you want to preserve this “friendship” you need to readjust this frienship scale. You can start by saying something like, “I sometimes get the feeling you are not listening to me; and it’s upsetting.” Be direct and honest without the tears and the tantrums - that’s her style, not yours.